I hate Halloween, with its imported US custom of ‘Trick or Treat’ (otherwise known as extortion). In essence, I come home in the evening, wanting to relax. The doorbell goes. If I answer it I’ll find some oiks mumbling ‘trick or treat’.

At this point, I am supposed to give them something which will increase childhood obesity and make their teeth fall out. I will also have had to go out and buy this stuff - there is no way to have the right amount. Either I’d run out and feel guilty for latecomers, or have tonnes left over and have to eat it myself - I have no willpower in this regard.

If I refuse, then I’m liable to get eggs thrown at my house which I have to clean up.

Either way, I’m out of pocket.

It’s a ghastly idea, really horrible - and one that is relatively recent in my experience. It certainly wasn’t commonplace in the 70s and early 80s.

It’ll be Carol Singers next month. Don’t get me started on ruddy Carol Singers and their two lines of ‘We Wish you a Merry Christmas’….