Things changed, I got a new bluetooth thing, this time with some software. It's all a lot clunkier than I imagined it would be, one has to click quite a few things to get connected. However, once a connection is made it seems to work reasonably, though slowly. The thing does not seem to be able to get its head round the fact that some people may want to use a calendar on their phone without outlook express!
I can now get photos off the phone, and put things on. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to want to let me back up things like games and ringtones - however I don't see this as majorly critical anyhow.